A Little Respect

What you may not realize is that Aretha Franklin's number one hit song, R.E.S.P.E.C.T., is a cover of a song written by Otis Redding in 1965. Despite the song's popularity and common affiliation with the feminist movement, it was originally written as a song about a man's desire for respect.

"What you want
Honey you've got it
And what you need
Baby you've got it
All I'm asking
Is for a little respect
when I come home" --Otis Redding

Respect.

Sounds simple enough.

But...In my experience, women tend to place more value on love. We ask, "do you love me?" We spend hours, days, years figuring out ways to be loved or to be loved more. But how much time do we spend figuring out ways to increase the amount of respect we have? Not nearly as much as men.

How does a woman show her man respect?

Remember the Taming of the Shrew? Petruchio insisted on a little respect. Kate had to learn how to give it. The ensuing relationship was built on mutual contribution: Kate learned to respect him, Petruchio learned to love her.

Some interpretations of the play, I'm certain, portray her as a docile, domineered wife. However, in an earlier post on the Shrew, I suggested Kate might show some qualities of a biblically submissive wife. A simple reading of the play may not give that interpretation, but plays are meant to be seen, not read! The Ashland production this year, played to the interpretation that Kate learned to honor her husband, even respect him.

The preface, presented to add depth to the hearing of the play, even suggested Shakespeare's England may have known a few things about biblical submission. The point is: Kate did not roll over and play the doormat and is not to be mistaken for Ibsen's Nora Helmer.*

Why mention Kate again? Because she learned a few things about speaking to her husband and to others about her husband.

Just like Kate, most women I know have a way with words. Most importantly, we know how to cut with words, but that same ability allows us to build up with words. Perhaps the first step in showing our husbands respect is watching our words--how we speak to him, about him, and for him.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue."

--Proverbs 31:26

For more information about the issues of love and respect check out the book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called Love & Respect.

*Nora Helmer is the protagonist of Henrik Ibsen's play A Doll's House. In Ibsen's play, Nora is the quintessential oppressed wife. She was a possession of her husband, not his partner. The marriage relationship served to dehumanize her and rob her of her own identity.

Shakespeare on Submission Part II

Shakespeare, a proponent of submission? Verily!

In the Taming of the Shrew, the play builds to a pivotal moment: the three newly married gentleman engage in a little good natured ribbing which results in a wager. The wager is meant to determine the most "obedient wife." Of the three, Katharina is the only one to come when her husband bids. She is then sent to retrieve the other wives and she admonishes them:

"Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt....

And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey...."

Forsooth, dear Kate! Obedience? Service? Kneeling?

You must be kidding.

But she's not. Check out what another writing says about submission:

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24 NET Bible

Kate is not so far wrong after all.

And really, if you look at the entire context of the play, what has she learned? Perhaps, that being a shrew is pretty nasty business. It is not the way to "win friends, and influence people." But when you consider the overarching theme of disguise, it is interesting to consider who concealed themselves the most fruitfully.

Katharina put on the guise of a shrew, her mode of dealing with the inequity of her father's excessive and cosseting treatment of her sister. Bianca put on the guise of an obedient and charming woman, her way of winning a prized husband. But who gains the most in the end?

When Petruchio sets out to woo his wife, he decides the best course of action is to kill her with kindness. (Act IV Scene 1) His harsh words are not directed to her, but rather rails and flails on her behalf. Always insuring her comfort and care. He praises her wit and beauty and emphasizes her value.

Petruchio's methods could be construed as an attempt to break Kate's will. But nothing could be farther from the truth! He compares his plan to the taming of a hawk. Falconry does not seek to break the spirit of the bird, but redirects the hawk's natural impulses. Her fiery spirit is one of the things that drew him to her from the beginning, he has no desire to put it out.

Petruchio adopts the guise of the shrew. From his behavior, Katharina sees herself in a new way. And despite his pretense she experiences, first hand, the equity of the next verse in Ephesians.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her;" Ephesians 5:25 Net Bible

Katharina's reprimand to the other wives ends. She turns to her husband and says:
"My hand is ready; may it do him ease."

Petruchio replies:
"Why there's a wench. Come on and kiss me Kate."

And she does.

One more thing. Skip down a few lines, past the pained musings of the other husbands, and read Petruchio's final lines,

"Come, Kate, we'll to bed.
We three are married, but you two are sped.
Twas I won the wager, [To LUCENTIO.]
though you hit the white;
And, being a winner.
God give you good night!"

In the OSF production (summer 2007) the players left little doubt to the meaning of these words. Petruchio and Kate leave hand in hand. Smiles on their faces and a impish wink from Kate to the other brides.

Has he tamed her? Or loved her?

Shakespeare on Submission

Although some critics insist The Taming of the Shrew no longer has a place in our modern, forward thinking culture, playgoers flock to its presentation. This past weekend, my husband and I attended the Oregon Shakespeare Festival and heard the Shrew in the Elizabethan theatre with nearly twelve hundred other playgoers.

First, a little background and summary for the Shrew. A shrew is a small "mouselike insectivorous" mammal.

Wait!

A mouse?

Yes. That was the original, and enduring definition. The word was adapted along the way to mean a "spiteful person" (c. 1250), "wicked, or dangerous," and "evil or scolding" person. And it meant a male. Not until 1386 was the term applied to a woman. It is possible even that Shakespeare's creation had some hand in refining the word to become the term we associate most often with a nagging, scolding, violent-tempered woman.

And so begins the play, with a shrew. Or more specifically the play begins with an "induction." The induction frames the play, and sets up the players as a vision or dream watched by a man named Christopher Sly. The theme introduced here is: beware of appearances.

The conflict is evident from the beginning: The merchant Baptista has two beautiful daughters--Bianca, lovely and desirable and Katharina, lovely, but despicable. He insists he must marry off his eldest daughter Katharina before he will give Bianca away in marriage.

Bianca's suitors agree the only way to succeed in their pursuit is to find a man who is willing to take the fair Kate for his wife. Petruchio, a fortune hunting man of Padua, enters and agrees to woo the maid. What follows is a cacophony of concealment and deception. Bianca's suitors don complicated disguises to wheedle themselves into her and her father's good graces.

Petruchio begins the difficult task of taming Katharina and arranging for their impending marriage. In the end, Petruchio and Katharina are quite happily married. Bianca has married Lucentio, a man of Pisa, and another of her suitors has found contentment by marrying a widow. It is in the final scenes that we see who the real "shrew" is.

• Could it be the fiery Katharina who scolded and screeched all of her life?
• The fair and docile Bianca who was evidently a victim of her sister's rages?
• Or perhaps the father who favored one daughter over the other?
  

In the final lines we have Shakespeare's view of submission through Katharina's closing monologue...and this is where we will begin in part two of this post.