Marriage First--Part III

Men were not created to carry us. A husband does not supply our strength. (For a quick study of what the Bible says about strength, check out a few of the following verses: Ex 15:2; 1 Ch 16:11, 27, 29:12, Ps. 18:1, 32, 39, 23:3, 29:11, 59:9, 17, 105:4, 118:14, Isa. 33:2, 40:29, 31, 49:5, 58:11, Jer. 16:19, 1 Co. 1:25, Eph 6:10)

Let's take it a step further.

Have you ever dreamed of someone who would love and accept you completely?

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary puts Psalms 118:9 another way, "trust in him [God] alone to accept and bless us."

Oh my. Is it possible that we find the greatest acceptance in God? The one who made us and knows all about us? If you are seeking this kind of acceptance through love and marriage, you are looking in the wrong place.

"Do not trust in princes, or in human beings, who can not deliver!" (Psalms 146:3, NET Bible)

A husband will never live up to the dream. God is the only One who can love and accept us completely. God is Love. (see 1 Jo 4:8 & 1 Jo 4:16) And His love is perfect.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love." (1 Jo 4:18, NET Bible)

If a husband is not meant to be our strength, if he will never love and accept us perfectly, what is he good for?

Marriage First--Part II

Recently a friend complained that her marriage is not what she thought it would be. Her husband is not as attentive and romantic as he was before they traded rings. She lacks the interest to indulge his wants and needs. Instead of a spark turning into a raging inferno, the coals are barely warm.

My question would be, did she marry because of a heart prompting from God? Or did she marry because she was "in love" and marriage was the next logical step?

In 1995, John Michael Montgomery had a number one hit with "I Can Love you Like That." In my acquaintance, the pervasive sentiment of love and relationships is expressed in the first lines of this song:

"They read you Cinderella
You hoped it would come true
That one day your Prince Charming
Would come rescue you
You like romantic movies
You never will forget
The way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet
All this time that you've been waiting..." ("I Can Love You Like That," by Steve Diamond/Maribeth Derry/Jennifer Kimball)

How true! Young girls often hope for Prince Charming: a romantic notion of a white knight who will sweep us off our feet. But is this a biblical view?

"It is better to take shelter in the LORD, than to trust in princes." (Ps 118:9, NET Bible)

Ouch!

Psalm 118 is titled "Thanksgiving for Victory." Found in the fifth section (or book) of Psalms it is part of the "Songs of Ascent," written after the second temple was finished, and used by the Israelites as a song while traveling up to Jerusalem. Wait? The Israelites, the chosen people of God? Who better to realize the faithlessness of princes or nobles? And if this verse is written by David, think of his experiences with Saul--talk about betrayal.

The verse is written in the original Hebrew as a comparison. "It is better...than..." (Ps 118:9, emphasis mine). Depend on the LORD. Rely on the LORD. God is almighty, powerful, just, and benevolent. God is truth. God is Love. Could a mere man carry us through death? God did! The death of His son on the cross carries us into eternity. If he can do that, why would we seek anything less to carry us through life?


The Psalmist is very clear. Do not trust in princes (nobles). The point is: even men with the greatest power--men who are chivalrous, honest and true--do not have the strength to lift us up--to carry us!

Marriage First--Part I

The working title of my novel is First Comes Marriage. If you read my blog sometime in the last few days you may have noticed the phrase "First Comes Love." Every now and then I slip and say the latter. The title comes from the children's rhyme, "K-i-s-s-i-n-g, then comes love, then comes marriage..." and the rhyme is embedded deeper in my mind than my own title. (By the way--I fixed the error this morning so no need to search for it.)

This is the first in a trilogy exploring the pioneer era of Central Oregon. The railroad was not complete and water was still a prized commodity. Travel from Shaniko to Terrebonne (58 miles) would take no less than 8 hours by auto-bus, 24 hours by stage or as long as 4 days by horseback! And we think we have it rough driving through Redmond at rush hour.

Each title in the series will playfully twist the familiar rhyme: First Comes Marriage, Next Comes Love, Along Comes Baby.

Why marriage first?

In the United States, the modern conventions of marriage lead us to believe that when someone falls madly in love, the natural fulfillment of this love is marriage. What if the reverse is true? Can a man and woman marry and find the natural fulfillment of this marriage is love? How does this fit with God's view of marriage?

Character Diary: Bethrina Granger (First Comes Marriage)

July 23, 1909

Dear Diary,

Dinah plans to send me away. Truly! This time, she has set the deed in motion. I found the proof.

I have known since the first day I arrived she was unhappy with me, but this? How could she do it? If only Uncle Alfred would say something. Of course there is no hope there.

I think of the day Charlotte proclaimed her love for Thomas White. Aunt Dinah fainted! I administered the smelling salts and she came awake squealing, "My baby will never marry a lumberman!" Charlotte pleaded with her mother for nigh on a week, Uncle Alfred watched quietly from his side chair. The poor girl waited nearly three years for another offer.

In my imaginings I see myself standing before her, telling her that I will choose my own husband: I will choose my life. But how can I? She has cared for me all these years. She suffers so much from my presence. I would dishonor her, and my family to do so. Or perhaps I simply lack courage.

My only hope is for this stranger, Mr. Henry Wyatt. Oh! I can't think of that now.

I must put out my light and prepare for bed, but to what good? The new street lights glow all night long and I will never sleep.

With the hope of something new,
Bethrina

The Writer's Life: Rewrite #247

I am working on an article that is very close to my heart. One of my writer friends suggested I write this article--about an answer to prayer. The funny thing is, God's answer didn't look anything like I told him it should.

The article needs to be 1500 words. I have exactly 1500 words. But now, I realize a few lines must change. The most challenging is the first line. Do I leave it as is? Or do I rewrite it a few hundred times more? If the best fiction begins in the middle of the action I don't know why a grounding/reality statement is necessary (the advice I have from one in my critique group.)

Time for #248.

Weekend Warrior

The myth of the National Guard is that one weekend a month is not too much to give up. The reality is missed birthdays, school events, kid's sports, church and family time.

Not to mention that two "sleeps" (as our children think of it) sounds like forever when you are just starting to adjust to the fact Daddy is home again. Home, but not home. Two sleeps is so monumentally better than five-hundred and twenty-four sleeps some people might wonder "What difference does it make?"

We all remember that Daddy used to leave for one weekend a month. Then one weekend turned into a year and a half.

Before we became a family, Daddy and the kids would travel from Washington to Oregon to visit me. The kids remember that it is a long drive from Oregon to Washington. Now Daddy has to travel all alone, all that way.

The reassuring aroma of coffee is gone.

Only one voice is available for dramatic interpretation of Bad Kitty.

Morning snuggles leave you only half full.

Laughter is replaced by grumps and groans.

Living becomes waiting.

I Don't Like Them Sam-I-Am

In honor of the 103rd birthday of Theodore Geisel, Dr. Seuss, (did you know that his name is pronounced like "voice?") our family tried green eggs and ham this morning. The kids thought it was great fun. I thought it was most disgusting.

The eggs and ham--all green--tasted basically as they should. So, what was it I did not like? The green slime of the over easy egg? The slight marbeling of green dye soaking into the slab of ham?

When I visited Japan last spring, I tried a plethora of foods (mostly from the sea) I never imagined existed. When presented with a bowl containing a single raw egg, I waited expectantly for a means by which the unfertilized ova would become edible. Afterall, as an American, I knew that raw egg was to be avoided at all costs. There was no such transformation.

Japanese sukiyaki is meat and vegetables simmered in a pot in the center of the table. A portion is dropped into your bowl, on top of the raw egg you have beaten with your chopsticks. A chunk of meat or slice of mushroom is pulled from the mess that looks like the beginnings of an omelet. Suspended in the air the bite drips with raw egg. In your mouth you are very conscious of the slimy raw egg.

The surprise? I absolutely loved sukiyaki! Therefore, I conclude that it was not the slimy egg of my green eggs and ham I did not enjoy.

While still in Japan I was treated to a multi-course traditional Japanese meal. The one dish that stands out was the snapper boiled in sake. The plate arrived with just the head and tail of the fish--skinned to the bone and one eye protruding from the skull. I stared at that emaciated corpse for a long time, and he stared back. The tableau was frightening.

Visions of dead fish flitted through my mind when I ate green eggs and ham this morning. I saw the eye bulging, the white skeletal outline with no visible flesh to eat. I know in reality it was only a little green food coloring. But for today, my plate held a green slab of poor defenseless pig interspersed with the remnants of what could have been a cuddly chick.

Is this how God sees us when we have sinned? With a little green dye coloring all our flaws, accentuating every little thing, until He has to turn away?

Thank you Dr. Seuss, for your amazing contribution to children's literature! And for the moral--you don't know until you try it.

I tried it. I don't like green eggs and ham. I don't like them Sam-I-am.